Customers of the budget airline O Brienair, were shocked and outraged yesterday,when they heard the news, that the low cost carrier was rumoured to be introducing even more surcharges, on all of its major routes. A disgruntled employee. Who must remain anonymous, was so disgusted, that they decided to smuggle out,at great risk to themselves, a top secret memo. That so far has only been seen by a few top executives at O Brienair.
O BRIENAIRS SEVEN SECRET SURCHARGES.(TOP SECRET. NOT TO LEAVE THE BUILDING.)
1 A new surcharge, for any passenger traveling with emotional baggage.Passengers will be asked to answer truthfully, if they have ever had an unhappy childhood, divorce proceedings,ect.
2 A new surcharge for occupying a window or aisle seat. With an extra surcharge for window seat passengers who wish to open the blinds to look out of the window. This does not apply to the pilot and co-pilot. As they need to look out of the window to land the aircraft safely.
3 Toilet paper and paper towels are to be charged per sheet,plus a new charge for each press of the soap dispenser.But we are delighted to announce that all sick bags are now free of charge.But we may not be able to to keep subsidising this service for ever. So use it or lose it.
4 A new surcharge to use the overhead luggage racks, for all hand luggage. But you can now rent out space in the luggage racks, by the hour. See the stewardess before you board the aircraft.
5 O Brienair would like to announce. Unless passengers pay a small surcharge. It is no longer financially viable, to load and unload, passengers suitcases onto the plane. Starting from next month, passengers must place their own luggage into the aircraft hold.And unload it at their final destination. We apologise in advance for any inconvenience this may cause. If you have a history of back problems, and can provide a genuine doctors note to confirm this.This surcharge will be waived. But there will be a small fee to cover administration costs.
6 A new plane departure tax. All passengers who leave the aircraft by the stairs or air-bridge, at the front of the aircraft must pay this tax. You may opt out of this tax by proceeding to the rear of the aircraft where down below, on the tarmac, O Brienair staff will be holding out a blanket for you to jump into. It is customary to leave a tip for this service. But to save you the time and effort, we have added a small service charge to your final invoice. Dont worry, all tips are passed on to the staff, and they will receive them in their next pay packet.After deductions for uniform, training,ect.
7 Starting next year as soon as our staff are fully trained,we will be introducing our new in flight entertainment programme. O Brienair staff will be mingling with the passengers. and for a small fee, cracking hilarious jokes.or spinning you incredible stories, tales, and yarns. But the good news is. If you do not want this service you can always listen to a fascinating timeshare presentation instead. FOR FREE. But for our passengers who just want to relax in silence. Dont worry, we have just the thing. a pair of O Brienair earplugs. And for a limited period only, they are selling at half price. So why not buy an extra pair for that special person in your life. Remember nobody wants to share waxy earplugs.
I have tried to contact Michael o Brien, but he refused to comment. But an industry insider who refused to be named said. This is a typical Michael o Brien stunt. He has probably leaked this document himself to the press,to try and gauge public opinion.And to soften the blow, for when he does introduce these disgusting charges.
BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH.
This article is just a fun look at the budget airlines pricing structures. I am actually a big fan of budget airlines.Ordinary people can now afford to fly all over the world. And surely that must be a good thing.
Do people really think that they are going to get a flight, for one euro or one pound ?. Even my local bus company charges бё1.70 for a three mile journey. So why should we expect to pay the same fare to travel a thousand miles to Spain.
The author wishes to state that this is a work of fiction and any similarity between any person living or dead, business or company, past, present, or future is entirely coincidental.
